I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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