We're like a lot better than the average bears
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
