well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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