Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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