Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
