i think my tv is drunk
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
