My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
