every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
