when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize