I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
