i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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