You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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