haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
