Screwed.edu
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
