If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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