if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
