My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
