Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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