you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
