It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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