I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
