So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
