The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
