shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
