bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
