I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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