Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
