i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
