I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
