am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize