it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is the high leading the old right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
