dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
