I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
