I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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