I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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