i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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