I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
