I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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