I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize