why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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