It was confusing and full of hummus
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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