I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
