Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
