so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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