and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
