You're so nebulous sometimes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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