He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
