What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
