She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
