I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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