True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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