what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I deserve this hangover.
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