please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
