I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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