Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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