they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
