In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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