i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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