Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the gays at disneyland are vicious
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
