you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
