Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We have so much sex to catch up on
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
