This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
