bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
