you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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