Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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